Components of Biblical Friendship
Study Guide, June 29, 2025
Pastor Clay Olsen
Watch video online – https://www.facebook.com/eichapel/videos/710830451811728
How great is it that Friendship is one of the great themes that runs throughout the Bible. And of course it is, since God designed friendship to be a key part of our lives. Friendship has been described a lot of ways…some heart to heart, and some ‘tongue in cheek’. Let’s share some of those first.
This was fun…“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows you are slightly cracked.” —Bernard Meltzer And you’ll recognize this kind of logic… “It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like, ‘What about lunch?'” — That’s from Winnie the Pooh (Yeah, Pooh likes his lunch, especially with honey…lots of honey) And this makes a lot of sense to me… “There’s nothing better than a good friend…except for a good friend with chocolate.” (That’s what I’m talking about!)
But then there were Job’s friends…remember them? So, why was Job always so cold at night? Because he had such miserable ‘comforters’! Right, they weren’t comforting at all! But this was interesting, also because of who said it: “Friendship is born at the moment when one man says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” (C.S. Lewis) Good insight, right? Yes, how often we think we’re going through something that we think we are alone in going through it…like no one else seems to wrestle with this…and so on, only to find out how many other people do wrestle with the same thing, but they haven’t found a friend or told a friend about their struggle either. That’s one of the unusually refreshing things about what Paul said in 1 Cor 10:13- “No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.” NASU
That verse is a whole study in and of itself, but one thing we definitely learn from it is that whatever you ever face or have to deal with, be it some temptation, some trouble, some trial, some struggle…realize that not only are you not alone in it, but in fact it’s common among people! But the strange thing is, it’s not only common to have it, it’s common for people to think it’s just them, or to think that it’s not common, when in fact it is common.
Remember, we all share a common human nature, so we deal with common human problems, common issues. That’s why good friends, who are proven to be trustworthy and confidential and caring, are also so refreshing…because you can share with them whatever you are going through and they will come alongside of you to help you with it…help walk you through it. It’s like one of the sayings about friendship…’A friend is one who knows all about you and loves you all the same.’ And, ‘A friend is one who will neither maximize your weaknesses nor minimize your strengths.’ And, ‘A friend is one who strengthens you with his prayers, blesses you with his love, and encourages you with his hope.’
Which takes us to our ultimate Friend…The Lord our God! And do you remember what Jesus said to His disciples? John 15:15- “No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.” NKJV So our very God is also our very best Friend possible! Jesus calls us ‘friends!’ And then Jesus coupled this with another component of Biblical friendship, which is this. Actually, it’s even another one of God’s names. In John 14:16-17 Jesus said – “I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever; that is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it does not see Him or know Him, but you know Him because He abides with you and will be in you.” NASU How great is that…that one of the names of God the Holy Spirit is – ‘Helper!’
So our God, who calls us ‘friends’, also calls Himself our ‘Helper.’ And so as our only God, as our best Friend, and as our ultimate Helper, we can know that our God is for us…He is with us…and, as amazing as it is, He is even ‘in us’…to assure us, to assist us, to guide us, to come alongside us, to comfort us, and to lead us in His paths of righteousness.
You’ll notice that this look into Biblical Friendship today is not so much ‘systematic’ as it is ‘scenic’. We are stopping to look at different scenes or aspects of friendship. That being said, here’s another name you’ll recognize: “Tis a great confidence in a friend to tell him your faults; greater to tell him his.” Benjamin Franklin
And that reminds us of that great Proverb that says: Prov 27:17- “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” NIV What do you think? Does iron, especially as a ‘tool’ need to be sharpened? To be sure, it does! For a tool, it’s either let it be sharpened or let it become dull. It’s the same with us ‘Human Tools’. We either let ourselves be sharpened or we will become dull…dull of hearing, dull of learning…dull of feeling…dull of caring…dull of serving…you get the picture.
But did you notice the key component here? “Let yourself be sharpened.” Something that is not common among common friends is letting your friend become a ‘Sharpening friend.’ In this you let your friend be a sharpening tool that God can then use in His work of ‘sharpening you.’ That usually has to be communicated to a friend, as most of us are hesitant to point out blind spots in our friends. That’s why we need to initiate or encourage their help, as in saying something like: “Anytime you see a blind spot in me that I seem to have about something or someone, please feel free to let me know. Go easy, of course…maybe one thing at a time….but let me know.” Or basically, just let your friend know that you are open to them to help you become sharper or to be sharpened in whatever it is that will help you become a better friend, a better husband or wife, or co-worker or neighbor, or especially a better disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ. Let others sharpen you, and then let God use you to sharpen others.
Say, did you have any imaginary friends as a kid? This one guy said: “The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn’t exist.” (Aaron Machado) Poor fellow had some issues there…But this next component of Biblical friendship is not only one of the most blessed ones to have among friends, but also a powerful one to have among fellow disciples of Christ. You remember the scene: All of the Jewish women who knew of the prophecy of the coming Messiah knew that one would be chosen of God to bear the Christ child and become the Mother of the Messiah.
So now, Elizabeth found out that she was carrying the child that would become the forerunner of the Messiah. She was chosen of God to be the Mother to John the Baptist. Six months into her pregnancy she was visited by her cousin, Mary. Luke 1:39-45- “Now at this time Mary arose and went in a hurry to the hill country, to a city of Judah, and entered the house of Zacharias and greeted Elizabeth. When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb; and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. And she cried out with a loud voice and said, “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb! And how has it happened to me, that the mother of my Lord would come to me? For behold, when the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby leaped in my womb for joy. And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord.” NASU
By the way, this passage is also a powerful Pro-life statement because from the womb, the pre-born baby of John the Baptist leaped in joy at the sound of Mary’s voice, as she was carrying the Person of the Messiah. Friends, Tissue does not have the emotion of joy, nor does it leap with joy, nor does it sense and recognize the presence of its Creator and Redeemer. Only human beings can do that, and human beings are in the womb!
But did you see the remarkable component or element of Biblical friendship in Elizabeth’s response? Elizabeth could have wondered why she was not chosen to be the Mother of the Messiah. But instead, she had the opposite response of that, for she said: “…how has it happened to me, that the mother of my Lord would come to me?” Elizabeth was humbled and honored that Mary would come with this news to her. But even more, she was genuinely happy that her cousin was the one chosen by God to be the Mother of the Messiah.
One of the most significant and impactful components of Biblical friendship is the character quality of being genuinely happy when good comes to others. Instead of “Why not me?” this genuine friend responds in: “I’m so happy for you!” Instead of envy of others, there is joy for others. Instead of comparison to others, there is celebration with others. Instead of craving esteem for self, there is ‘giving’ esteem to others. Plus, to be genuinely happy when good comes to others is not only a mark of a priceless friend, but it’s also a mark of a godly disciple of God’s.
It’s also a good way to measure our spiritual maturity. Where is your ‘humility setting’ in relation to ‘being genuinely happy when good comes to others’? Is it ‘low’ or ‘medium’ or ‘high’, like Elizabeth’s setting was at ‘high’ with Mary – “…how has it happened to me, that you would come to me, to share about your wonderful blessing, or to share with me about your good fortune, or to tell me about your great victory?” “I’m so happy for you!” That’s a great place to be in your maturity level of life! When that is your genuine response, that is when you will know that you are genuinely a good-good friend. When you can share another’s happiness, is when you know you are growing in sanctification…you are growing beyond the strife of the self-life and into the joys of the ‘shared-life’.
Let’s take that a step further because when you want to have a way to measure where you are in your sanctification, this is a powerful measurement of that. What do we mean?
Rom 15:1-3- “Some of us have no problem with these things. So we should be patient with those who are not so strong and have doubts. We should not do what pleases us but do what pleases them and is for their good. We should do whatever helps the church grow stronger in faith. Even Christ did not live trying to please Himself.” ERV And that right there would be a great meditation focus for us all: “Even Christ did not live trying to please Himself.”
Where is the highest demonstration of ‘Friendship’ found? Now, we know that Jesus said: “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13 NASU Giving one’s life for another is the greatest demonstration of love. Also, living one’s life for another is the greatest demonstration of friendship. Note what Jesus said about this: “I want the world to know that I love the Father and that I am doing exactly what the Father has commanded Me to do.” John 14:31 God’s Word Version Jesus lived His life demonstrating His love for the Father, delighting in doing the Will of the Father, and the giving His life for the sake of the Father and for each of us.
One of the great hymns we sing is ‘What a Friend We Have in Jesus’. And that is truly amazing and encouraging. But the other side of having a Friend in Jesus is for Jesus to then have a friend in us! One of the highest goals of your life is to be a friend to Jesus. And to be a friend to Jesus is being to Jesus how Jesus was to the Father…doing what the Father commanded Him to do. And not just doing it, but ‘delighting’ in doing it, because of how much it pleased the Father for the Son to delight in doing the will of the Father.
Jesus connected His demonstration of love and friendship with the Father to show His disciples could they could show love and friendship to Him. For just before Jesus spoke about calling His disciples His ‘friends’…calling us disciples His friends, He said something else. Notice: John 15:14-15- “You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” NIV The way to demonstrate to God and to the world your love for God, is to seek to do what Jesus, your God, has given you to do, commanded you to do. The way to demonstrate to Jesus and to the world, your friendship with Jesus, is to seek to do what Jesus has given you to do, commanded you to do…to do His will. And the more that you seek to do His will, the more, like Jesus, you will come to delight in doing His will. The more that you seek to please Jesus first in your life, the more pleasing life will become for you. And the more that you seek to be the best friend you can be to Jesus, the better friend you will be to everyone else in your life.
You know, the Scriptures reveal that God sings over us…sings about us. Can you imagine Jesus singing something like: “What a friend I have in….and put your name there.” How about that? Oh yes, you can be that kind of friend to Jesus! What a friend you have in Jesus…and what a friend Jesus has in you! It doesn’t get any better than that!